Lack of Wisdom

The beauty of Spring?

2010-03-22T21:16:00.000-07:00

Well I keep saying that I am going to quit this, but I find writing releases my soul of its pains. I was looking forward to spring break and the wonderful smells of spring, plus the sights of nature renewing itself. But no, my first day of spring I had to put down my cat Kato. Kato was a character and very appropriately named. If you are a Peter Sellers fan, you would know about Kato attacking the Inspector at the most inopportune times. Kato was a very aggressive male cat. I have some serious scars from him. He would hide under the bed and attack your feet and sometimes draw blood. Leslie wouldn't take it very well. Little did she know that I was feeding the cat special treats after every successful attack on her. lol Kato was the fifth cat in less than three years that we have had die or disappeared on us. Now that I think about it, I have never since 1977 had a cat live more than three years under my care. Damn I feel like I am the commander of Dachau and instead of killing Jews, I kill cats.

Kittens are the best that nature has to offer. They make you laugh for hours on end and nothing is better than the feeling you have when a kitten is sitting on you purring. While I shouldn't get another cat--I will get one this week from the animal shelter. They have to put so many down, at least it will have a chance to live and be care for. I guess to be loved for a day, is better than being in a cage for a short lifetime. So wish the cat I choose luck.

It has been a year now since coach Cal and I camped out together at the Fort Smith park. Wish we could be back out on the lake catching some of those big fish again. He was a great guy and I miss him and his stories. Instead, I am sitting here and watching a "Walk to Remember" and enjoying being alone to deal with life issues. Peace to you!

Not divine inspiration? revised version

2010-02-12T20:51:00.000-08:00

Had to revise this one. When I wrote this I didn't know they had been drinking, so what I wrote would be in poor taste--funny, but in poor taste. The boys are doing well and I am happy for that. I could comment about their actions, but I would be a great hypocrite to say anything.

A few weeks ago during the singing time at church, I got this idea to do a video for a study guide. Now the fact that I was at church, you would think---Hey! This is Divine Inspiration, it must be good. But No, it must have been the devil working on me....considering all the feedback and negative responses I got back from many adults. You will be happy to know that I had a priest perform an exorcism and I am back on the path to righteousness as we speak. I will, however, take up the offer that a parent sent with their child to come have a drink with him. Sorry Jesus-- I am backsliding already. I actually had written a long discourse talking about my infamous video, but something more important has come up.

While writing this, I found out that two of my former students were in a bad vehicle accident last night. Corey Payne and Guy Brandt were the two involved in the accident. Corey is in very bad shape and will be fighting for his life over the next couple of weeks. Guy is hurt, but not critically. I had Corey for two years in class. The one time with him I remember the best was when we were in Little Rock for the EAST competition. I was up in the boys' rooms, playing cards, Corey whips out this huge knife to do something. I don't remember why he got the knife out, but I took it away from him and chew him out pretty good. I gave it to his mom when we got back. Guy, on the other hand, was just a very quiet person and I just don't remember much about what went on with him. We never had any conflicts that I remembered, so he must have been a brilliant student.

Please think about these two students and another, James Dewitt. If you got good contacts with the Almighty, then then pray for a lot of healing.

Holiday thoughts........

2009-12-16T08:03:00.000-08:00

As you know..I am not particularly religous. I go to church--a Baptist one at that--just because the family goes there and I like listening to Doug, the pastor. What I dislike the most is the 30-40 minutes of getting up and down to sing. Since I have no singing talent, it is a waste of my time and I am sure that God appreciates my silence during the singing. Now and then I might sing a song I like--Amazing Grace---Holy--Holy---Holy, or whatever moves me.

I do however love Christmas songs and movies. It would not be unusal for me to play the Judd's Christmas Ablum in July on my Ipod. "It's a Wonderful life and The Bell's of Saint Mary's are some my favorite movies.

I didn't feel much of the old Christmas spirit at school this year and maybe for many a year. It is a shame that our government, which is really us, has taken the Christmas out of the schools and government. I am not sure how that benefits society. The Atheist that compromise only 5 to 9 percent of the population, with the help of our courts and their interpretation of the our constitution have taken Christmas and more importantly, the instilling of the Christmas ideal away from our children. How is a celebration of a child, that later as an adult, only taught the very basics of love, kindness, forgiveness that all humans should treat each other with, a problem? There is no historical question that Jesus existed, so as the atheist believe that there is no God, and that is a possibility, what logical problem can they have with Jesus.

I wonder what kind of conversation goes on in an atheist's home? "Dad I just happen to read about Jesus today and he seemed like a great person, maybe there is some truth in what he says". "Son..quit reading that crap, do you want to become like those right winged Christians you see on the Fox news network?. "Your right dad, want to come watch South Park with me?, I hope you will get me the video series for my eighth birthday". The only true problem with Christianity itself, is and always will be, the behavior of the "Christians" that claim to follow it.

Can you change this path were going down? No, because we don't care enough, we have our little houses, plenty of food, drive our silly little cars and live in our own narcissistic world and the hell with anything else. However, if we did care enough we could change it with our votes. We could remove the majority of the whores that sit in our congress and vote based on the money they receive from the lobbyist, instead of the needs of the people. Put new ones in there and tell them what we want, put back prayer in the school, ten commandments on our walls, and fix whatever else that ails us. I, and not we the people, would also make sure that we are open to all religions and not shut them out because they are not the majority today. I would enjoy celebrating Jewish, Islamic holidays and going to their plays. I would tell the atheist we respect their views, but this is a democracy and you're out voted so live with it...... and Merry Christmas!!!

To my many loyal followers-one? Merry Christmas

Love Mike

"If that don't beat all"

2009-11-10T05:06:00.000-08:00

My Uncle Bill passed away yesterday afternoon. I have dreaded that moment for a long time and I was hoping that I could expire first...but no such luck. I could write a book about the time I spent with him, my aunt Sadie and their children. I will try to give the short version...

In the summer of 1972 I was dropped off at my uncle's farm while my mom and brother when ahead to Kansas City to where my dad was being stationed after coming back from Viet-Nam. I don't know why I was left there, but I am sure it had to do with my behavior. I had a tough year at school, managed to get kick out of my English class for most of the year and the local Fire Chief came by the house with a few questions. I was a nice person that enjoyed a little mischief. Well I don't think it was mischief.....the word would be felonies and misdemeanors, that had I got caught I would have spent much of my life in prison for, if I did them as an adult. To add to that, I had an horrific personal calamity happen to me that I will never fully recover from. So you can image I was a pretty screwed up teen...ok.... no comments about me not changing.

I of course had never been on a farm before and like any 16 year old, there was nothing I couldn't do as well or better than anyone else. My poor uncle had no idea that he was getting a destructive force the made Katrina sound like a summer breeze. I am sure that it was only through their prayers that the farm survived the financial havoc that I caused. On the other hand I was good entertainment that brought a little spice to their lives. The stories are legend.

I have read recently that it is not the bad things that happen to a person that defines a them, but how they respond to those bad things that makes the difference. I realize that I am not a good responder, but my uncle was the best.

One day after I had been there a month or so, I went down to get the red C55 dump-truck at the dairy and come back to pick up my uncle at the house. Well wanting to be on time and show how quick I could drive I raced around the dairy until their was a tremendous boom and a sudden stop of the truck. I had forgotten the risers were on the truck to hold more silage. I had no clue what I hit so when I got out to check what was going on, I saw half the riser missing and a six foot section of the brand new milk barn, their pride and joy, destroyed. I was sick to my stomach and I did not want to go pick up my uncle. But I did, fearing the worst. As I pulled up I could see him surveying my work. He gets in and says nothing for about two minutes--I am dying. He says" you hit the trees, didn't you?" My response was a shaky "No sir", He ponder a while and then said "you hit the gas tank?"....."No Sir"(I had already taking that out with the front loader on the tractor.) About two minutes later he finally asked "What did you hit?" I replied "The milk barn" I expected a lot of yelling, maybe a smack or two, maybe you should go home, but I got a "If that don't beat all" and nothing else. This was beyond anything I had experience in my life--I wanted to cuss my self out and then inflict a little pain. The day wasn't over. When you cut silage you drive along side the tractor as it is throwing the stuff into the truck. Well I must have been daydreaming because the next thing I knew I hit the tractor with the rear of the truck and drove the handle that opened the back, straight into the back tire of the tractor. My uncle stopped opened the door to the cab of the tractor, look at the tire, got back into the tractor and stared straight ahead. An eternity to me and only two minutes for him, he got out of the tractor and got in next to me and said "we got to go get a new tire". That tire cost several hundreds of dollars, but nothing was said.

He yelled at me only once that I remember. I had decided that it would be quicker to straddle a PTO shaft that was running at full speed to get to the other side. I heard all kinds of screaming as my uncle was racing to shut off the PTO. He raised his voice and told me never to do that again and how easy that it could have grabbed my clothes and killed me.

I did manage to make him cuss once. I had taken up dipping Skoal, like my cousin. Well my cousin and I were sitting in the cab of the dump truck waiting on my uncle's instructions. I didn't see him coming up next to us, I turned and spit a huge amount of juice right in his face, He said a quiet but firm"Ahhh Shhhiiitttt" and walked off---don't remember how long it took him to come back.

He always responded calmly to any disaster or misadventure I was involved in. It must have made his sons a little jealous because he wasn't so calm with them. But he somehow knew what I needed as a human and forever changed my life. I have no doubt that I would be either locked up or dead now, if it wasn't for that stay on the farm. Believe it or not he let me spend another summer on the farm after I got out of the Marines.

He was a good Baptist, but never used religion to straighten me out. He saved me just the same and it took hold. I really can't image my world without him being around, it is going to be a lot lonelier place. Good-bye Uncle Bill, thanks for everything.

Good news only!!

2009-11-04T08:19:00.000-08:00

I feel like I have been writing obituaries for the last year on this blog. So on this one I will write only about good things that are happening. The biggest of the good news is Savannah is doing great!! According to her mom she only has two little spots of cancer left and the rest is gone. You can thank whomever you like--but a special thank-you to the doctors that have discovered this miracle. It is good to know that I will be seeing her for a long time and can continue to have our conversations now and then. I know I can learn a lot from her and her experiences.

Two of my nieces have had babies. My niece out east had twins and they are doing fine. My other niece, Crystal, finally had a girl.

I have watched the sunrise the last couple of days and it always leaves me in awe. I just want to stop time and aging to live forever in that moment. Well there you are--a positive post from me.

Deep down??

2009-09-30T07:54:00.000-07:00

This is a reply to my comment section--and I appreciate the comments.

Gee--I am only a good person DEEP DOWN...So is that saying that I am not a nice person on the surface? I find that to be interesting and insightful for me... I will think about it. Sad if that is true though. I don't know if I am being difficult for the sake of being difficult---I just get bored and like to throw things out there to see peoples' reaction. It also helps me understand them better and it lets me know if we have an unconditional relationship or not. And sometimes it is just an impulsive response to something I see and should probably keep in my mind and not out my mouth.

Gee II--I never said Lillie was funny or funny looking. What I said was she made me laugh.. What I should have said was she makes me laugh inside. Some other people do that for me--Jessica Ramirez, James Dewitt, Lori Starr, Tanner Wilson, that Skaggs' girl from last year.

As I had stated previously, I have been "saved" a few times. I have just decided that there is not just one path to God or heaven--if they exist. I do not fear God. I find it a little incredible that people fear an all loving and compassionate God.... Many prominent theologians believe that there is no Hell--that separation from God is hell. I will accept whatever God decides and it doesn't matter to me, what that is. I have been to hell here many times and I don't think it can get that much worse. Besides what kind of Perfect Loving Being is going to torture someone for eternity for not believing in that being? Hey I'll take my chances!! I'll finish my writings on my religious philosophy this year and you can read it when I get it published mid next year. Of course there may be only two copies since that is all that I can afford.

Sorrow and Joy.......

2009-09-18T06:37:00.000-07:00

This morning my Aunt Armelda passed on. I remember her best for sending me birthday cards...when the rest of my family sent nothing or didn't call--I would get one from her. I never heard her say a bad thing about anyone in the entire time I have known her. She had two children that were born with multiple problem that has required life long surgeries. I guess most people would call them short people. But to me they are the people I think about when someone uses the word hero. Although they had stubs for fingers, they both learned to play the piano and well. Both have gotten their college degrees and then some. Although they could be bitter about their draw in life--they are upbeat and have wonderful personalities It took a wonderful person to raise my cousins to have such great self esteem and I will miss her greatly. I am sad because I surely will not see her again in this life or the next.....I don't think we are going in the same direction and that is the way it should be.

The other night I got to sit and talk to Savannah Dutton for a while. It looks like she is doing well and her cancers are all going away. Last spring I didn't expect her to live through the summer. I actually don't believe that God interferes with ones life in one way or another.....but who knows, if good stuff like this happens, maybe there is intervention from a higher source...gosh I might have to get saved again. It was a wonderful conversation and I could tell she has grown a lot...she was actually sweet to me...

Once last comment about the last blog---I heard comments about how I was "mean" about my comment about Lillie. I guess I live in a world that I really don't belong....Reminds me of an Outer Limits episode where it starts out by saying "there are people that live among you, that look like you, act like you, talk like you, but are not one of you." That is how I feel. One of the nicest comments I could make about someone is that they make me laugh. In this life there are not many that do that for me. So I guess I should go build my little house on Walden Pond and ponder about the many thing I think about.

I am Back!!!

2009-08-31T10:29:00.000-07:00

I am sure some of you thought--he says this every year and he keeps showing up, much to the displeasure of a few. Well I gots to tell ya it shocks the hell out of me that I am back. What is really brilliant is that I threw everything away. I believe in making clean breaks--put in the trash and walk out. It is a learned behavior of course. Forty girlfriends--ok--four--ok--including the two Irish Setters down the block, did me that way, it is the only way I know.

I saw several jobs I would have like to have had--but hard to believe--none them were close to the money I make here---Yes I did want that Wal-Mart greeting job--even if no pinching was allowed. I only applied for one job in Rogers to work at the Alternative school--but was told up front that I probably wouldn't get an interview because their were many applications with Masters degrees and they would probably hire internally--I was excited at that point.

This has been a tough year for me. I lost 6 people I knew in seven months. So summer became a sit back or walk around and think about things break. Didn't read as much as I usually do, but brought over 150 books for future reading. A lot of them law books--always wanted to understand what was going on with the law. I have a much greater respect for judges at the appeals level and the Supreme Court. The reasoning for their decisions is very detailed and interesting--also very logical--both the accenting and dissenting opinions. I need a life.

Although I was disappointed (embarrassed might be a better word for it) to be back, it is OK. I was back in a grove very quickly. This was the first year that I really didn't miss the classroom when it was over. But I still must have missed the kids, because walking to my classroom and seeing the response of the students to me, rose my spirits a 1000% Plus I get to be an actor again---high fives, hugs, slap upside the heads. My second day will go down as my favorite day playing the role of a teacher ever. Second period I was on a roll---timing was great--near perfect delivery--punch lines hit correctly for almost forty minutes. I was at or near my very best. You think I am talking about teaching? You should know better--I can't teach--any body that knows me--knows that. Entertaining---a stand up comedian--they don't know it but that is what they pay me for..... It is so fun to watch kids laugh and to shock them with delightful things that might be a little bit out there. As any good actor/comedian I watch their expressions closely and it was good--got a hundred percent laughing at some points--If there was a benchmark for that I would be exceptional.

Good to see the teachers--even Lillie who makes me laugh for some reason just by looking at her.

Sorry to hear about Jay's wife--and am wishing her the best.

mike

Last Blog?

2009-05-02T14:22:00.001-07:00

I have decided not to blog anymore, at least the type of blogging that I have been doing. I was just having a little fun--writing thoughts off the top of my head. While being critical of the comments and actions of others, I was by no means meaning to be hateful or spiteful. I was just throwing it out there to see what would come back. I also figured someone would correct my english and I would like that, since I would like to write better. It was taken a little to seriously and some used it to stir up trouble. I had a friend of mine ask me what I said about him, after he was told by a teacher that I made bad comments about him. Well, since I never mention him directly or indirectly, I thought it was sad that quasi intelligent people would use this blog to create disharmony.

Good news--some of the teachers might be getting 10 days put back on their contracts. Testing went well for me, my five kids were near perfect during testing.

I got a kitten yesterday. He or she--I still can't tell in kittens--but I don't look that hard. This is kitten is a relative to one our cats were used to have. Kato is the cat's new name. The Pink Panther movies are my kind of humor, so I might as well name the kitten after something that makes me laugh. I think kittens are the greatest thing in the world. I think if I were to do it all again, I would be a Kitten Raiser. I would take in baby kittens and give them away once they get to the independent stage or have stinky poop. Just having Kato one day and my spirits are better. They just make you laugh. Kato is only 5 or 6 weeks and still is a little shaky when walking. It doesn't take kittens long to adjust and trust you. In just a just a few hours it accepts you and wants to be near you. I didn't sleep badly as I thought I was going to. Kato woke up a few times and mostly slept near my armpit. By morning we were playing. It will be a fun next couple of months. I will look forward to getting home every day.

Last word about our school...you know me... I gots to get my last words. There are lots a ways of going about change when you see something wrong. My way is to be blunt about what is wrong and want changes to be done immediately. Sometimes what I think is obviously wrong, is not what everyone else thinks. Even if most agreed with me that something is a problem, they themselves will not stand up and be heard. It seems that most people like the status quo and are happy. If the majority did not they should be getting up and requesting change. One of the problems with that, is that some of the people who complain would also be some of the people that would be affected by a change. They tend not to mind everyone else having to change, but they themselves don't want to change.

Other people use a different and more subtle way to effect change. They appear to move slowly and not mention the problems in a direct manner. It is difficult to detect with this style of management if the problems are being addressed. The good part about this approach is it tends to create less chaos and makes a smoother transition of change. The bad part about this approach is that in education of children can't wait to long for this change because they enter the "Real World" unprepared. The other potentially problem with this approach is that the changes never come because it tries not to offend anyone and therefore never gets completed.

I am going to get out of character and be an optimist on this one. Our school system has been led for the last nine years by men,(including several of the school board members), of lest than stellar integrity. While I might not agree at all with his approach and many of his decisions, I have no cause to question his integrity or his ability run a school system. So I am placing my bets on him. If I am wrong the only people to be hurt are the children that leave our system, not being educated the way they should be, if we had fulfilled our obligations as educators. I pray that I am not wrong.

Farewell to a friend

2009-04-21T12:50:00.000-07:00

Coach Eddye Calhoun passed away last Thursday morning. Ann, his wife, woke me up with a call around 5:40 am. It took a little while for me to figure out what she was saying, because of her emotional state. I had talked to him just 12 hours before, and he said he was really sick and was sure he was going to be in the hospital. I told him to call me when he gets a room and I would be up to harass him. When she said "Eddye's gone" I was of course stunned.

Coach Cal and I were not close friends, but would have ended up that way. We got to know each other better during spring break and had made plans to do several things together. I had previously spent a lot time with him trying to help resolve some problems he was having with the school over his contract. He told me that they had came to an agreement and I will be watching to see that it is honored.

What is really weird is that coach and I had a discussion about eulogies. We talk about how they made the person that had died sound like a saint and it was usually delivered by someone that didn't really know the person. When he left us, I felt obligated to write something. But I failed his wishes because I didn't know him well enough to write about his faults, which he said were many.

I don't have very many friends--probably due to my wonderful personality--so when I lose one it is very difficult for me. Coach was just a super nice guy that I liked being around because he wasn't a cynic like myself. So long Coach Cal.

Honorable dismissal?

2009-03-27T22:45:00.000-07:00

The other day I was told that if I don't leave another teacher would be RIFed. I have already given the district notice that I intend on not coming back next year. But I protected myself with a disclaimer stating that if I can't find a job, I will be back. My reason for leaving are somewhat complex. I will definitely miss the kids.

It is very disturbing to know that if I don't find another job that another teacher/friend/human loses their job. You can be assured that I will now be looking harder and possibly taking a job that I might not want--just so she can have a job. Several people have stated that it is not my problem or my fault, so don't worry about it. If I don't, who is going to? Hey this is a recurring theme in my blogs. I am here at 1:15 am writing about this because I couldn't sleep with thoughts of people I know losing their jobs. So maybe I think writing this blog will clear my mind--maybe. I just think we're all in this crazy world together and we should look out for each other instead using some fancy feel good business term for doing the wrong thing for the supposedly the right reason.

The letter I read talking about the teachers and an administrator getting RIFed called it an "honorable dismissal". These people are losing their jobs and some have young families with a home to pay for. " Son I was "honorably dismissed" today so don't worry about anything" I could be wrong but I think we're in a recession and maybe a small depression. These people may not be able to find jobs. It would seem to me that we should go above and beyond to save jobs for the people who have been loyal to our school, even if they have only been here for one year. Usually when you hire someone at a school they think if I do my job, I'll have it life, if I don't mess up. Is it Ms. Sisemore's fault that someone or some-ones didn't do their jobs and take care of the school's finances? Did anyone say to these people that we are on the edge of school bankruptcy and you might be RIFed in the next couple of years, so you might see if you can get a job somewhere else if you want a long term situation. But it is now my understanding that we are in the black-prior to these RIFs. So if we are in the black with these people on staff--what is the purpose of the RIF, to be more in the black? We just passed a sales tax and will be receiving more money. I believe we are talking about just four or five people. According to our RIF policy the first goal shall be :"what is in the best interest of the students" How can it be in the best interests of the students to remove Ms. Sisemore, who I far as I can tell and what most other teachers say, is an excellent teacher? We are certainly not overstaffed in the Middle School, so that can't be the reason. We need these young or new teachers, if for nothing more than to infuse us with new life. If we were really making decision that were purely objective using the RIF policy we could RIF two other people with a saving of $100,000-But we don't go there because we would have to mention "That Area That Must Not Be Name" Personally I wouldn't want anyone to lose their jobs. But if you are going to do it, do it fairly even it is going to be unpopular or it involves people that you have developed a relationship with. Speaking of "The Area Who That Must Not Name"--I have wonder why if we were in such dire straits we didn't, (I know I am going strait to hell for this), shut down the Athletic, Band and Cheerleading programs for one or two years, at the most and save that money, focus on academics and then bring them back. Oops, I know the answer to that one. We would lose many students because we and their parents value athletics more than loyalty to our school and to their children's education. If however we spent one half the time and dedication that the football and basketball programs use to get the kids to play their best, on academics, we would have people rushing to our school to get a quality education and at the same time improve the quality of athletes the coaches would have and therefore win more championships.

Well now that I have made a lot of friends--I guess my whole point is that the honorable thing to do was to save their jobs. While this blog could be thought to be directed at one person it is truly not, just thoughts that came into my brain and out of my hands. God bless you and God bless America. Amen

Stoned once again!

2009-03-27T21:26:00.000-07:00

In the sixties and seventies being stoned was sort of a cool state of being. "Hey man what's up? "Don't know--just a little stone" "Cool, I can dig it" Of course I wouldn't know anything about that stuff-I have been pure since I was nine. Unfortunately the stoned I am talking about are kidney stones. Had my tenth one a couple of weeks ago.. It started in Sunday school and was an excellent excuse to miss the main event, again. Just kiddin God. I could have gotten admitted Tuesday morning thanks to the efforts of my primary care Doc. But I decided to tough it out another night since the VA hospital seemed pretty busy. BiGGG Mistake!! What I would call the super pain started about 10 pm and didn't quit all night. It was the worst 10 hours of my life as far as the physical pain side goes. I was taking triple the dosage for pain with no relief.

Although I was going through that pain, I was thinking about a former student of mine. I got an email earlier that she had a very bad form of cancer and it has spread quite a bit. I thought about how her parents must feel. That was a hurt that far exceeded my own. I have too much Italian in me to control my emotions some times, so at least it was in private. This student once told me that she learned nothing from me as a teacher and that she later had a teacher who taught her something. I was hurt a little--maybe a lot when she said that--but then I then realized that she had actually listened to me. I always tell the students to believe nothing I tell them and I guessed she didn't. I hope she got an A because she was no dummy if she recognized that I am no academic teacher. But I guess I get my revenge on her now, since she is the only student of mine--besides my children, that I have kissed. It is hard to understand how someone who is young--19--can be so ill, while someone like myself who has pushed the envelope so many times and in so many ways is still around at 52. I would gladly have a tuesday night every night for the rest of my life, if she would get well. I am going to be talking to God about how he could have done several thing a little better. We should be able to bater our lives for someone else's. Left you hanging on the kissed issue just for fun. She had been badly injured in a four wheeler accident and I was visiting her in the hospital. When I was getting ready to leave I was at a loss how to say goodbye so planted one on her forehead.

Please think or if your the praying type for her completed recovery.

Goodbye to Darren

2009-03-05T06:47:00.000-08:00

I was told last night about a former student of mine that killed himself a week or so ago. His name was Darren London. The funeral was yesterday, and although I generally don't do funerals, I would have went to his. I got to know Darren while I was the his teacher and class sponsor. I drove him several times home when he didn't have a ride home. We would have nice conversations and talk about a variety of subjects. He wasn't what I would call one of the mainstream kids. He was on the outer fringe of the social groups in school. Earlier today someone said it was no-one's fault what he did, that we shouldn't feel that we should have done something different with him. I don't buy that. One could easily see that Darren was missing something in his life. The fact that I would have to drive him home because no one showed up was an indication there was something wrong. He would tell me about his desires and what he was going to do. Some were just ramblings of a young person, that many of us said when we were young and not knowing the ways of the world. Other thoughts were more insightful.

Darren was a nice guy that I would have enjoyed having more conversations with. I can understand reasons that someone would take their own life. Just like my cousin that passed away a couple a weeks ago from a very aggressive painful cancer, Darren was suffering inside in deep places that he couldn't get passed. I wish Darren could have seen around the bend where there would have been brighter moments for him, but he just couldn't. I wish now that I had kept in touch with him. I guess I am glad he is not suffering anymore.

Darren, I will have a drink to celebrate our brief friendship and remember you as a decent person who I liked being around.

Radical???

2009-01-24T20:11:00.000-08:00

Waited to blog for a couple of days in order to digest what is going on around me. Our new President was sworn in and it was amazing to see 1.5 million + people in Washington D.C. to witness it. What wasn't amazing were the many negative and down right ignorant comments made by my friends, colleagues, and students. The old cliche "As much as things and they still stay the same", is alive and well. Racism and narrow mindedness must be a part of the human genetic make-up. I was impress by most of my students openness and kind spirits for the new President.

In a conversion with other teachers, I was referred to as the most "Radical person they know", it left me wondering what kind of circle these guys run in. Of course they could have meant that I am the slang meaning of "radical", "excellent and cool". But since that was probably not their intent, I must assume that they meant that I believe in considerable change from what is usually accepted or traditional values. But I think what is really being said is that if I don't believe the way they do, then I am outside the mainstream of what is normal and morally correct. On that, I would take issue. I believe that if there are less guns then less people would be killed, that medical services should offered to everyone, no matter if they are poor or even if they are not American citizens, that everyone in this country should be fed and not go to sleep hungry---actually everyone in the world, that everyone should be treated with common decency no matter what their beliefs, looks, race, religion and sexual orientations are, that if someone decides for themselves to have an abortion, that they should have access to a doctor, wether not I or anyone agrees with their moral decision. I also believe that we should avoid wars at almost all costs, it doesn't seem morally equitable to kill over a million people either directly or indirectly because 30 or less insane people killed 3000 Americans. If that makes me a radical, then I accept the label proudly. I would also suspect that Jesus, Ghandi and the Dali Lama would not disagree with me, But they were and are the radicals of their time.

Life as a teacher

2009-01-15T06:22:00.000-08:00

Since some of my students are reading my feeble attempt at blogging, I have to be a little careful what I say. Although I suspect that I would win a constitutional fight in the courts, if it were to come to that. A student down in Fort Smith who publish all this nasty stuff about one of his teachers and won in the courts--it should work both ways--"should" being emphasized.

I think it is somewhat a misnomer to call me a teacher, however, it is the position that I hold. Teachers have this roll model status that has been given to them. The real question is what should a teacher portray themselves as? Many teachers were the "A" students in school, they enjoyed the teacher's pet status, followed all the rules of prim and properness, and the went to college and straight into teaching. They are masters at the art political correctness in the classroom. Students have been conditioned into thinking that teachers are almost like priests, living this pure virtuous life. Which I guess is OK, if you are able to pull it off.

Some of us however, were not the perfect students and are not comfortable acting a persona that we are not. Although I must admit that I also have an acting career going. Because my true self would preferred to be somewhat alone, on an island somewhere, reading books, and figuring out the meaning of life. But if I have to be around people, I am somewhat comfortable in an extroverted role playing mode, more with kids than adults. That is because I rarely get hurt by kids, the same can't be said for adults. In my extroverted mode I want to be an entertainer. I like seeing kids laugh and my tool for that tends to be sarcastic humor, which in this day in age is certainly not PC. I suspect in some schools I wouldn't last very long.

Physical contact is another thing that I do that is not on PC list of things to do. This is something I learned from my group home experience. I found that many kids aren't touched or have ever done silly crazy things with adults. Many are starving for it. It was amazing to me how much a child would improve just by having physical contact and horse-playing with them. I have continued that as a teacher. I will not hesitate to hug a kid, high five, low five, slap them up side the head, squeeze their pressure point to inflict a little pain, throw something at them or pour water on them or down their backs. Although I am a little more leery about the water down the back--due to some fricken asthma attack by one of my students. Of course I let them do the same to me. It goes overboard sometimes and I have to reel them in some and myself also. For me it makes school tolerable and fun. I can't speak for the students.

Once in a while it backs fires. In my eight years I think I have had 7 kids cry due to something I had said. I am sure have hurt many more than that and not know it. While it is easy for me to justify their actions as being silly and oversensitive, I still have upset 7 people. I never sleep well when I have a conflict going on. So I usually wake up around 1 am and hash it out in my mind for a couple hours or all night sometimes. I make one assumption that I shouldn't and that is they will accept me unconditionally, especially once they have been around me some. If a student has a bad day and no matter what they say or do, I am over it the next day, as if it hadn't happened. I hope they will do the same for me. But I accept it when they don't--sort of.

As usual with my A.D.D kicking in I have rambled and digressd. Back to my original thought of how teachers should portray themselves to students. After all this rambling I have concluded that I don't know the answer. I can only feel that we need to be honest with our students and not try to behave in a way that they know we are faking a persona. The students have no problems figuring out who is there to collect a paycheck and who cares about them as individuals.

Back to my normal life style.

2009-01-13T06:42:00.000-08:00

Woke up a champion went to bed a Loser.. 0-7 racquetball. Student apathy nearing an all time high. I am going to bring No-Doz for the guys after lunch. After 7 days of discussing Islam and Muhammad, many of them could not answer the question" who is the founder of Islam?" Teacher or the Students?

Yesterday while warming up for my loses, I saw this guy walk by several times with two racquets. After the second pass, I figured he didn't have a place to play or he was amazed at the great shots I was making or the third possibility, him liking my sexy white chicken like legs.

I was right, he was looking for someone to play with. So I invited him to come in an warm up with me until the devil came to play. We ended up playing cut-throat (3 players). My new acquaintance name is Ron. He is an E.R. doctor at a local hospital. What I found to be interesting was he is married to a women of oriental descent and apparently have adopted a very cute black child. She has a business degree from the U of A and stays at home to raise their child. Thirty years ago it would have been almost taboo for a white person in this country to have such relationships, especially in the South. I remember working in a gas station in Rogers in 1972 and a black man and his family pulled in to get gas. Back then we pumped the gas and collected the money. The brother handed me a $20 for about $7.00 of gas. I went in to get change and the manager told me to tell the guy that we didn't have any change. I told him of course we do, not getting his meaning. I went out there and told the man we didn't have change and he said he didn't have anything smaller. I sort of laughed and said this one is on us and he understood and laughed with me. I went back in with a quizzical look and was told it was better not to deal with those types and he put the seven bucks in the till. Even today I am sure it doesn't sit well with some, but as for me, I think it is a sign of a better world and either some good parenting or someone with a strong moral compass. I look for to getting to know him.

Want to say hi to my niece Crystal and her family. I wish you were closer!!!

Building self esteem

2009-01-12T07:16:00.000-08:00

This was a losing weekend. The football teams I was rooting for lost, Razorbacks lost and most of my fantasy football players had terrible games. I did however move up from being in 220,000th place to be 160,000th place in the nation in the NFL fantasy playoff. This losing can get a guy down.

Fortunately for me, we have a Wii. In twelve rounds I knock out 4 boxers. The last rounds were tough. I got knock down early in the third round, but the Rocky theme started going through head and with renewed energy I fought back. And finally with a crushing stomach shot, my opponent went down. I immediately collapse from exhaustion and called out for Adriane. I went to bed feeling better about myself and woke up a champion.

Death before losing!!

2009-01-09T06:04:00.000-08:00

Last night was racquetball night. I was down 14-0 in the first game. The thought hit my mind that now would be a great time for a Cardiac Malfunction. Hit the floor, turn purple and have all these people rush to save me. They don't do mouth to mouth any more--which I am thankful, because I wouldn't want to be revived, if I knew Jeremy, the person whipping my @#$, had given me the gift of life. On the other hand, if one of those co-ed cheerleader types wanted to help out I wouldn't complain. By the time it was over and I am revived or not, no one, would remember the score. Enough of the fantasy--final score 15-0. The good news is that I won the next game 15-13.

On the way in, (Driving a bus full of aliens),I heard the new plan for S.S. schools to have performance pay for school teachers. So what does that say about our "Professional teachers"? If your students do better, we will pay you more? Have we forgotten what happened in Chicago? The teachers cheated so they wouldn't look bad and/or to get more money. Are the people in Arkansas any different? I have known teachers who cheated on the benchmarks and not even had money tied into it. If I was a principal and my teachers suddenly started working hard and caring about their students learning, just because they might get paid more, I would lose respect for those teachers.

The obvious problem is functionality. Paying teachers more isn't going to improve test scores much, if at all. Just like all these standards and professional developments, haven't changed scores either. We are wasting our money motivating the wrong people. The students are who we need to motivate. Take all the money wasted on professional development and new programs on how to teach and use it to motivate students, then you will see test scores improve. This is a material society and most students are not self driven to do well. If students knew they could get something they want, ( a wii, ipod, or a name brand clothes), they would work hard for it. For those who feel it is wrong to pay kids to learn, that they should learn because they want to, don't live on this planet and during this age. So while we would preferred them to be self motivated, we must accept that they are not, and if thru rewards, they learn the skills they need for the next level of education, we have accomplished our goal of actually educating them.

Another day

2009-01-08T06:14:00.000-08:00

All praises to Allah!!! Teaching a class on Islamic history is interesting. This week I am a practicing Muslim. Since we do prayers 5 times a day, I was wondering if I could do them 4th, 5th and 8th period. Had a good night bowling-- 190 average--a sign that the apocalypse is nearing. Something is amiss with my teaching techniques. There are students in my class that are actually working on math and learning. Ahhhh-- I see why it is working, the students are teaching each other and they are more competent than their so called teacher. Oh well, another day in paradise.

First Post

2009-01-07T06:51:00.000-08:00

Brain damaged teenagers!!!! What in the world am I doing sitting in a room with these insane people? At 52 I should be thinking about retirement, sitting on a beach somewhere pretending not to notice the younger chicks as they go by. But no, due to a life style of living for today and only today, I am here with these aliens and praying that I wasn't really like them. One thing about them is that they are honest--whatever happening in that brain--comes right out of their mouth. I like that. It is real. You can't say that about most adults you know. Just a brief thought for the day. Bye